All eyes on America
The U.S. House of Representatives, finally, months after initial efforts, voted on aid to Ukraine. But will it be enough? A personal story from Kharkiv.
I woke up this sunny but cold Sunday morning (Vienna marathon is today, good weather for running, but chilly) to the surprising news, at least to me, that the U.S. House of Representatives had finally voted in favour of sending much-needed aid to Ukraine. But instead of cheering, my immediate thought was wondering how many lives this delay since Christmas, or earlier, had cost Ukraine. Because at the moment it has been asking soldiers to go to the front while armed with a fraction of the artillery shells Russia is sending in their direction. It is no wonder therefore so many men are seeking a way to leave Ukraine, so many mothers think about how to get their sons out, and in the long run, years from now, I wonder if history will remember how the collective west kept Ukraine in life support but not more. Whatever it takes seems like a Hollywood rumour at this point. When you speak with Ukrainians, in private conversations, many acknowledge the relative hopelessness of the current situation, and although the dream about going home one day, most are pragmatically making adjustments in their daily lives accepting their new realities, whether that is here in Europe, in North America, or in other relatively “safe” cities in Ukraine where local rents have also risen as a result of the influx of IDPs from more dangerous areas.
In short, I could not watch the flag waving. I am far too cynical for that. I also hear frustration amongst Ukrainians that their own government has not done more to weed out corruption at home. This, as some have argued, is not just Russian propaganda. This was a way of operating which existed for years and although surely progress has been made, everywhere there is an opportunity to siphon something off, and there is a culture of siphoning off, and established norms for this, only a fool would believe that all this stops suddenly just because a country is at war.
It’s complicated.
I would recommend, if you have time, also reading this statement Prof. Timothy Snyder made in front of Congress this week. I also saw a brilliant clip of his rebuild to one of the infamous MAGA members of Congress from the peach state. Here is the video.
I would like to share with you today a message I received from the mother I wrote about already, whose husband and son both lost their legs. The family is from Kharkiv. They lived for months, four people to a hotel room, waiting for housing. After she contacted me, and I wrote publicly about the situation, within a week, an apartment was found. The mom wrote me, just to share what she was thinking and feeling. I felt like her words spoke for so many Ukrainian families, and asked if I could share with you. She agreed.
“I am sitting, waiting for my son at chess, I just read your blog post about Kharkiv and not just that one. Kharkiv… my hometown, where I was born and grew up, where my three kids were all born and grew up, the city where my kids and I were happy. And it is the city from which they evacuated us on two separate ambulances: one car took my son and I from the hospital, and the other took my husband and daughter from a different hospital. We only met each other on the special medical evacuation train. They took my husband and son immediately to the hospital, and my daughter and I to the hotel: two months of medical care, and then another two months of rehabilitation…to fit the prosthesis, my most favourite, very active, unstoppable son is learning to walk again. His dad supports him every step of the way, and is at his side. His dad does not have the right to complain, although he suffers himself, but he does not show it, instead he learns with our son to walk again, supports him, and me too.
I didn’t know a single word in German and had to try and talk to the doctors. My daughter is in school and in comparison she is in the fifth grade and has only just begun to learn German. Thanks to our wonderful teacher here in the “integration” class, who always supported my daughter, helped her to learn German, and told her about everything. And to the psychologists in the hospital, in the rehab center…they did so much, beyond their jobs, to help my son learn German, they taught him the alphabet, and simple phrases, they brought him books and printouts which he could use to learn, they did not let him give up.
And then there is my constant, non-stop worry for my older daughter, and my granddaughter. She stayed behind with her husband in Kharkiv. And no strength, no kind of convincing could make her leave. “Mama, everything is fine, everything is ok, we will come for a visit”. And only in February of this year, a whole year after they evacuated us, when it became really scary in Kharkiv, did she leave.
The apartment… In the context of everything else which happened to us, it is not such a big thing to lose our apartment. But, it was a four-room apartment, in which I moved into when I was still a kid myself, in which my kids grew up, and now it is empty, with the windows on the balcony blown out, and maybe it isn’t even there anymore. I would give it all away, everything that I have, to turn the clock back to the life we had before. I don’t now even think about selling it: who would buy it?
And here. My soul hurts, what will happen after March 2025? I won’t be able to have 12 months of work experience by then even if I really wanted to do it. When I somehow recovered, I signed up for German classes, and have been attending since the fall, then I passed A1, but you have to wait two and a half months for the A2 course. Then it isn’t clear how long for the next course I must wait, assuming, God willing, that I pass the exam. My daughter spent so much effort to learn German, my son already knows not too badly, taking into consideration he has only been in school since June of last year. We have gotten used to life here, Vienna became like familiar over the past year and two months. It is scary to think how to return there, where everything reminds you about our past, happy life…. Not even to mention that my husband and most importantly, my son, need constant medical care and to change their prostheses, my son is still growing. We try not to think, not to make long-term plans. To enjoy every happy moment now.
In this way, you reminded me of Kharkiv. I don’t even know why I wrote this. Maybe, I needed to tell someone, and you became like a close person to me, our kind fairy. I think not just for us.
I wrote to you, if you like you can translate. These are just my thoughts, my soul hurts for my kids, when I think about the future, about those who stayed behind in Kharkiv, about my hometown which is suffering so much right now.
I am writing you from the subway. I am taking my son to school, it is a long trip, we have time to read and write. We still have not grown accustomed to having our own apartment, thanks to God and you for that. I wish you a good day.”
On a totally separate note, I read this morning this reporting about the Danube in Belgrade. I knew it was dirty, but I had no idea why and to what extent. The shocking thread here and the original reporting in German here.
Also, thank you! I am preparing my waiting list of empty envelopes and hope to have some Hofer cards to send out from Mario very soon.
This week I have also been thinking about all the everyday heroes I have encountered. I heard an Austrian police offer say “Bud’ Laska” in perfect Ukrainian. I witnessed an extremely caring oncologist prescribe medicines to a refugee with cancer which are not available in Ukraine due to their cost. For every example of a bureaucrat over-excited at doing their job, there is an everyday hero no-one sees going out of their way to be nice to ordinary people from a neighbouring country who have fled war. I am going to make more of an effort to share these little anecdotes because they too are an important part of the overall picture. We have not all lost our humanity, thankfully.