Boyevaya Babushka (Day 116)
Some days like today I feel like I am being pulled in a million different directions at once. The unseen crisis amongst us.
I took this photo at 8:07am this morning. I woke the kids up at 7am (ok, the girls, my son I cannot wake up anymore, he is 16 and lost to the world of teenagers), and said if you want to go swimming, we have to do it early. Drove to the gas station, bought breakfast, dropping off one kid’s covid test along the way (yes, Austria is still testing), raced over to the pool, enjoyed a swim (my first this year and normally I would have been a dozen times by now), some sun, and when I had a quiet moment before I headed to Wien HBF (the main train station here), I wrote this. You can read the whole thread here.
I receive messages all day asking for Hofer cards, second cards (sorry, huge waiting list, we can only give one card per family, one time), with photos of shopping trips and the hardest part — other questions. Recently, there have been a lot of other questions.
Remember me? My son outgrew all his shoes where can I get a pair size 40? (looked in my own cupboard, agreed to hand over two used pairs on Monday evening)
Do I know where a family with 11 kids between two sisters in Vienna can find a dryer for free? (asked on Twitter, got some suggestions, sent them to the mom — but I can’t read English she says — I say use Google translate)
Do I know where to find a psychologist who an provide counselling regarding a marriage on the rocks? (asked other volunteers, sent 3 contacts)
Do I know what a mom who has only been in Austria 5 days with a severely autistic 9 year old should do? He only eats apples, hot dogs and bread but no one will give them money to buy this food on their own? Where should she go? Who should she ask for help? (asked Twitter got many suggestions including one very concrete offer of help from Germany — meet the mom this morning, pass over €50 from a reader, tell her not to worry and listen to the advice from Germany because it is surely better than here) You can read about the family’s journey here.
A family of 7 with dad in a wheelchair needs money as they just moved into an apartment provided by a charity here but the state payment will only be in two weeks (ask Twitter, a reader sends €200, meet the mom and dad in person this morning, hand over the cash, ask them how they managed to get an apartment, they explain they have a “boyevaya babushka” which translated means a “fighting grandma” who went to ACV and demanded help and what do you know, someone finally helped this family with 4 kids and dad in a wheelchair move into an apartment in Vienna).
I then turned to the other women also collecting supermarket gift cards from me this morning at Wien HBF (by this point I have left my girls at the pool promising to pick them up later — thankfully my kids are old enough for this), and say “you all need to learn to be like the boyevaya babushka!”. You have to demand the resources you are entitled to. You have to speak up when something isn’t right. You cannot wait for other people to solve your problems for you.
A psychologist recently told me about the concept of “learned helplessness”, when in a crisis situation, people become overly dependent on the “helpers”. I can feel it happening in an instant. I sent a contact, and say, you should ask XYZ. The Ukrainian says, I don’t understand, can you do it for me / with me? And then I have to explain that I have what feels like half the Ukrainians in Austria in my phone and I cannot spend time doing this kind of work for every family. I can provide information, I can share links, but you have to learn to help yourselves.
Now not everyone is capable of this. Those who have been through trauma, like the family I wrote about recently whom I am helping to try and find a sports club, school, and apartment in Vienna, they are not ready yet. I will meet them in Vienna this week again (dentist, another sports club try-out), and they specifically asked me to meet them on the platform of the train station rather than the subway station where the dentist is. They are very scared of getting lost along the way. I agreed, for now.
If at the beginning the refugees arriving were the kind of people who had been abroad before (well, a lot of them were, not all, by no means) and new how to operate if shown the right direction, many of the people I am interacting with now are those who are falling through the cracks or fell through them already or waited until the absolute last minute to leave Ukraine and are now in total shock and in many cases emotionally exhausted and unable to make decisions. It is a huge challenge.
Meanwhile, demand for supermarket gift cards is enormous and the flow of donations has slowed. So you say to yourself, must take a day and do nothing but fundraising, try to reach more generous Americans…
…but how do I do that while my phone is exploding and so many Ukrainians are coming to me with a myriad of questions, some big, some small, and all very stressed out? I haven’t figured that out yet. I would like to write an op-ed that might provide a window into what we are dealing with on the ground here in Austria right now.
For a split second I stopped by the ÖBB Lounge to check on the Ukrainian line. I answered train questions with fresh, new info: for Germany there are no more seat reservations, you have to try your luck and see if you can get on (or not). One young man then asked me, but my wife is pregnant, and I said that unfortunately no one cares that your wife is pregnant and needs to get to Berlin. On a Sunday. For Poland, Krakow costs money now, but if you ask for Przemyśl it is still free (border city), and the train just happens to go though Krakow. 8:10am every day. Czech, what about Czech, they ask. Still free, one ticket, one direction. Bratislava? Go back downstairs to the vending machines. Budapest? Yes, you are in the right line. Wait here. And then the last question, which made us all laugh out loud:
Yesterday I took Natasha and Pasha to watch a bit of a beach volleyball tournament (it was ridiculously hot so we didn’t last that long). They also met another coach. Things are in motion. It’s not easy but I feel progress, I feel like we are working in the right direction. For them it is each time an hour’s train ride. As one Austrian said to them “oh you live there…that’s really the end of the world”. We are working on it. Slowly. Drove to the mall exchanged the gym shoes I bought him for a bigger size. Drove back to the train station. Walk them to the platform to make sure it’s the right train. Does he want a coke? For €2? No way. He won’t let me spend €2 for a half later bottle. Says that’s ridiculous, you can buy 1.5L for less than that a the store. They have water and sandwiches with them. I shut up and agree not to buy any drinks.
I have to learn to see the world through different eyes. I wish them a relaxing rest of their weekend. It will be hot, I say. Go to the local pool. They, thankfully have free entrance. I don’t think Ukrainians in Vienna do. I paid almost €10 this morning to swim with two kids. That will be off-limits to refugees.
My schedule the next few days is utterly ridiculous, but I will try to balance my time. I still have a large pile of empty pre-addressed envelopes. Every grocery store card I receive (physical cards or the donation equivalent) goes out immediately to a Ukrainian family in Austria. I still meet Vienna dorm and “hotel” residents in person because I don’t trust the post. I write Ukrainians all day long, please be patient, we are trying our best, we cannot distribute what we do not have.
But this government could solve this if it simply paid out €500 per person now to every Ukrainian here. And lifted the ridiculous ban on earning more than €110 per month for those living in state-provided free housing. Because there is no housing. There are no more apartments. It is a miracle anytime a family with no money receives housing that isn’t a room in a dodgy former hotel or a dorm (lucky if it is self-catering, unlucky if you are considered “fed” and therefore don’t receive any money from the state).
I am still worrying about all the people who text me. The older woman who is scheduled for a gynaecological operation here but it has been rescheduled three times because each time she shows up without a translator and the hospital doesn’t have any and who can I find for her on July 15? The many many many people who desperately asked me for a second grocery card who I had to turn away. The enormous waiting list we have on the website for whom we don’t have funding yet.
That’s got to be it for today. Tomorrow I’ll share more news. I’m off to a once-a-year class picnic with my youngest and I can already see the conversations with other parents (full thread here):
Thank you for reading. Thanks for your continued support.