Day 16
"I still can't believe this is really happening." The phrase I keep hearing over and over and saying to myself, as well.
I took this photo on my first night in Kyiv, just over one month ago. I was amazed by the entire scene, the mega modern fashion designers, the lighting, the sparkle, the Sunday early evening vibes, the vibrant food court on top — all of it. Now those same women who would have been hanging out in TsUM are arriving at Vienna’s central train station with their elderly mothers, their sisters, their cats and dogs in crates. They are exhausted. They have been travelling for days. They fought for hours on platforms in Kyiv to even get on a train, any train, heading west.
I met a mother and daughter from Chernihiv, a city in Ukraine’s north which has been pounded by Russia (you remember the TikToks) since the beginning of the war as it lies on the main highway to Kyiv from the north. The got in their car with their tiny Chihuahua (Ukrainians own a lot of small dogs!) and drove as far as Ternopil in western Ukraine where they got in a car accident that totalled their car. They left it there and continued their journey with their dog and two suitcases. Today, we didn’t have enough time to get them seat reservations, and I simply helped them get on a train to Munich. A friend will meet them there.
No one can believe this is happening to them.
A young woman from Odessa told me she has an apartment, “I have a life there,” she explained. She like so many others told me she didn’t want to leave Ukraine, had no plans to emigrate, still wants to go home as soon as this is all over. “I didn’t even know there was a war until a friend called me at 7am and told me.” She said she then learned to hear the sounds of the rockets flying, to think about where they might land. Another woman from Kyiv described the unforgettable sound of rockets flying over her head as she stood in line to put gas in her car, back when she mistakenly thought she might be able to flee in her car. She soon abandoned that idea.
Others spoke in whispers of Russian soldiers shooting civilians in Sumy, just because. I have no reason to doubt the authenticity of such claims. It doesn’t surprise me. None of this surprises me anymore. If on Wednesday I was crying, now I am growing numb. My job is to listen and show sympathy. The women want to talk, they want the world to know what they just went through. They want the world to know they don’t want hand outs, they don’t want to be refugees, they feel as awkward about the entire situation as we do offering to buy a meal or coffee as a gesture of humanity in this horror show which never stops.
I met a mom and daughter travelling to Graz from Dnipro. They categorically refused any help. I showed them where they could charge their phones, gave my number if they change their minds, tried to say a few kind words about Austria’s second largest city. “It’s a university town,” I explained. They nodded, quietly. “The bombed Dnipro this morning,” the mother said, without emotion. “I saw the video,” I replied, making sure my eyes conveyed to her over our FFP2 masks that I knew exactly what she was referring to.
A mother and daughter asked how to get to the airport. An aunt in Barcelona was going to buy them tickets on a Wizz Air flight. The mom was wearing the family chihuahua (I told you there are an incredible number of small dogs on the move!) tied to her torso. I ran to Spar and bought them a duffle bag that would hopefully pass as dog-carrying hand luggage for the flight. The family pet is vaccinated and has a dog passport, one headache less, thankfully.
As I was typing this a family from Kyiv wrote me from the train. They were being harassed by ticket conductors for having seat reservations but no ticket. The cashier must have forgotten to give it to them. I apologised. I couldn’t help. I wasn’t there. I cannot protect every Ukrainian refuge from the racism and anti-immigrant sentiment that still simmers quite warmly across many parts of Austrian society.
Another email, another phrase of Austrian so-called neutrality, on which I call bullshit. Austrian neutrality is at this point nothing more than excusing Putin’s crimes against humanity. The ÖVP-voting rich won’t care. They won’t care who is in charge as long as they can still go skiing. How is the powder this weekend? Have you booked your summer holidays yet?
Meanwhile it’s day 16, as Zelensky reminded us all this morning (now in English here).
Ukraine’s stamina is remarkable. A thread from this morning here:
I continue to think this gets worse before it gets better. I cannot tell you if that means weeks or months or even years. I do think if I was a gambler (I am not) I would bet on longer rather than a quick end. I continue to fear the war will spread beyond Ukraine. Moldova. A Ukrainian woman today told me the Romanians are already moving their troops to their eastern borders. We whispered quietly about what may still come.
The Z fascism out of Russia continues to scare me, as is the meme-like reaction with which it is treated in the west. As if people are too young to remember the symbols of fascism past.
Putin met today across a very small table with Lukashenko. They are both talking repeatedly about Chernobyl, which cannot be a good sign. Russia also bombed Kharkiv’s institute of physics and technology yesterday. Except the the false accusations of chemical weapons to continue. Russia has taken the US playbook from Iraq 2003 for this one.
For more on the impact and view within Russia (without emotions, just facts), I find this Substack useful. If you can afford a subscription, you probably should consider reading Julia Ioffe at Puck, too. I am not a subscriber yet, but I do find myself always wishing I could read to the end :). I was able to read her latest interview. I am very disturbed by the conclusion of her interviewee that a majority of the Russian people support Putin’s war. A significant minority I would believe. A majority? Really? 70+ million zombies? Perhaps. But it’s a frightening thought.
Remember this every time anyone tries to explain polling data, even the experts:
Also remember what Russia does to protestors. This is a great podcast on that topic in Russian. You can’t physically protest on Saturday if you were thrown into local jail on Wednesday for 15 days.
And as I hit “Publish” the latest news:
That’s it for now. I apologise for this haphazard back and forth between refugee stories and the broader news regarding Putin’s war in Ukraine. At the moment my days are split in half so my brain is moving from one to the other. I try and share Telegram and TikTok threads when I have time so you can see what is being reported from Ukraine on the ground. It is grim. Very grim. Some reports are so upsetting I do not share, but on the other hand, maybe the world must see it all? I don’t know. I can’t bring myself to share images of dead bodies. Each one is a life that woke up that morning and didn’t get to see another day. Each is a personal tragedy for the family and friends left behind. Each would still be alive if not for Putin and his regime’s (because it’s clear by now he isn’t acting alone in this) mad, senseless war against Ukraine and the Ukrainian people. This war will extend beyond Ukraine. I fear this is all still the very beginning.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you so much for these updates. Thanks too for the good you're doing for the refugees in Vienna. I'm in the US and I value your "woman in the street" perspective. I was in Vienna for a month, pre-pandemic, and I arrived in that city via the Hauptbahnhof. In my mind's eye I can see the scenes you describe and your words give me a sense of what all this must look and sound like. Thank you again.
This is possible: "As if people are too young to remember the symbols of fascism past." But I posit that people are looking for ways to behave badly, to act out, to 'stick it to the man'. The level of seriousness in our public discourse is lost on some. Unfortunately, this backlash against legitimate authority is being condoned at the highest levels on the "conservative" side of the political spectrum. Sigh. Please stay safe, Tanja.