How are you all coping? Part 2
I made the mistake of opening Pandora's box yesterday, apologised, and learned an important lesson in the process.
Yesterday started off well. A long, productive conversation with Jenia and two local journalists who are really trying to understand and convey the complex situation surrounding Ukrainians in Austria at the moment. At the end of the conversation, I was asked if I might be able to recommend any Ukrainian men who might be willing to speak anonymously about why they left. My immediate gut reaction is that will be impossible and even though I have met such people none of them will speak publicly. It was my same reaction once I was asked some time ago about the guys who operate small businesses running vans carrying people and goods back and forth between Ukraine and Europe.
I explained: it is Ukraine that limits which men aged between 18 and 60 can leave the country, but once a Ukrainian man is in Europe, no one asks how or why he is here. That is a domestic rule. Therefore you have men who are here legally, whether because they have an illness which exempts them from military service, are fathers to three or more children, are accompanying an elderly parent as a caretaker, etc etc. There are also ways for men to be here not-exactly-legally from the Ukrainian perspective. Some ran across the forest, others paid thousands of dollars for real papers stating they have a real illness exempting them from service. In short, it is complicated, as are the feelings of the Ukrainian population about this issue, as I discovered, the hard way.
I simply asked in my group if any men would feel comfortable to speak anonymously. No pressure from my side, I even prompted my question by saying I am 99% sure I know the answer ahead of time. But what I did not expect was the flood of raw emotion which followed from women. Women who have sons or husbands fighting. Women who have lost sons or husbands fighting. Women who cannot look the men who chose not to stay in Ukraine in the eyes anymore. Men who are here legally and happy to tell their stories — which isn’t really what the journalist asked for. She didn’t ask to interview a 70 year old nor a dad who saw his three kids as an opportunity to get out of dodge.
I should have known. I know exactly that there are men here because they were living occupied territories, they got out via Russia, in part because if they had fled to Ukraine they would not be able to leave further. I know there are men here who simply do not want to fight or be potential cannon fodder or do not want to take arms and fire bullets back against family members still living in occupied territories. Nearly 20% of Ukraine’s landmass was seized by Russia so far. For some from the east, serving in the Ukrainian army would be equivalent to firing shells on their hometowns.
It is a very complicated issue and a very difficult moral question and clearly it is far too early to raise it. I immediately apologised and asked us as a group to move on.
Perhaps coincidentally, or maybe not, I received teary messages yesterday from a mother whose son is currently in the trenches on the front, fighting for Ukraine, and she asked me for help in sharing his fundraiser for drones. Through tears, she spoke of a government that does not properly equip its soldiers, and friends and family are fundraising for all the extras they need to stay safe. She is here with her other child. I could feel the pain in her voice. I shared the fundraiser (it is only in Ukraine, no international means of donating). In Ukraine, they often ask everyone to donate a Euro or two. It is a quick transfer from bank card to bank card. There have been many fraudsters of late trying to raise money pretending to be collecting for drones for soldiers, etc. Therefore the population at large is already skeptical of such schemes. War always presents a money-making opportunity for some, and 2023 is no exemption.
I would like to continue to share some important recent stories I received with you. All names changed for privacy.
Iryna in her own words:
“Good morning. I would like to share our story with you. We are living in a small town near Salzburg. We are both 32 years old and our child is 5.
We have no home to go back to, our house is under occupation. The Russians are in charge there, and it is total lawlessness. They house soldiers and other people in the homes of people like us who left. They pressure everyone who stayed to apply for Russian passports. You want or you don’t want, but you have to apply, because medical care, internet and other services are now only available to Russian passport holders.
They passed a law that by 2028 all property must be re-registered under Russian law. There is a ban on alcohol sales in our town. The price of transport was increased by 20 rubles with no explanation. A woman I know, a month ago, a military car ran into her husband who was on a moped. He is now in hospital with serious injuries. Those guys even came to the hospital to him and fined him for not wearing a helmet. In the past, before the war, they would have written about such things in local online chats and newspapers, and now everything that the Russians do — it is indescribable. But according to their information everything in the town is just great now!
I really like it in Austria. We stopped receiving the social payments about 8-9 months ago. My husband got a job at a factory. We would like to stay here. I would also like to find a job, but for now I am with our child at home.
I could point out a few challenges.
1) A kindergarten place only in the afternoons. Because only my husband work, they do not give our child a place for the whole day. They said both parents must work for this. I would have liked my daughter to spend more time in the kindergarten so her German would get better faster. The other problem is in the afternoon there are all the Ukrainian kids, an no Austrians :( I asked the director if my child could possibly spend more time with Austrian kids to better learn German, but was told no.
2) We would like some kind of classes for the kids. We could even pay towards them. I asked the question, some say there are no teachers, and no place to hold such classes.
3) I would like more activities for the kids, something like music or gymnastics. Even for money there isn’t anything.
4) Healthcare. This is a difficult topic for me. It is really hard to make yourself go when you feel that you cannot explain yourself or will be misunderstood.
5) The mood of an immigrant. I would love to see my family again. My child misses her friends at home in Ukraine. We are in a foreign country, and you don’t know what to do. You shrug your shoulders.
6) It is really hard to learn German at the courses. I could not manage А1-А2. Even though the textbooks are aimed at beginners, I found it all really difficult. If you continue further I do not understand anything. We hired a tutor from Ukraine, online. It helps a bit.
7) The deposit for rentals. Many cannot put together such a large amount of money upfront. Then they can’t find housing.
Thank you to the Red Cross who help us with groceries (on Saturdays). Locals go there too, not just Ukrainians. Many of the items are expired but it is fine, you can take what you need.
In summary, the only real issue is no German classes for kids.”
Viktoria, in her own words:
“Good morning, Tanja. I would like to share our story. We evacuated from Ukraine in March 2022 on an evacuation train: my, my daughter (she was 8 years old at the time), my friend with her son (10 years at the time) and a friend with a dog. We Didn’t know where we were going. They said Austria was still accepting refugees. We had to Google while on the bus what is Austria and what language do they speak there. So we ended up here by accident. It took us three days. We were lucky to be housed by very nice people. We are still living with them in Burgenland. For the past two years everything has been ok but it is hard to survive on the small social payments.
We waited eight months for A1 German courses. One of the girls (without a kid) finished A1 and got a job. I would like to say that in Ukraine the girls had good jobs and know English well. Here they were hired as cleaners and in McDonalds and of course there were tears and frustration and we thought it would be impossible to find work here. Until someone said: why do you think you can only work in a horse stall or as a maid? And then the woman who doesn’t have a kid began to send her resume to jobs with qualifications. She got lucky, without Austrians helping her, and we understand that it was luck that after a dozen rejections she found a job in Vienna in her profession!
During that time, the second woman and I were studying A2 German (we went five times a week one hour each direction to Eisenstadt). After our friend worked in Vienna a bit, she mentioned she has a friend who also has professional experience, and they also hired her. She has already been working there two months. She is happy. They are treated well by their employer.
About me, I am now taking B1 German. My child is in 4th grade of Volksschule and next year will go to middle school or gymnasium (my daughter really learned German well over the past two years and luckily there was no integration class. She now speaks like an Austrian). Yes, it is difficult, I understand the girls were lucky to find work. I really worry because I do not have the opportunity to speak German every day. But I will try, I will try to knock on all doors. Of course it makes a difference how old the child us, and I understand next year I need to teach my child how to get to school with transport, she will have to travel 20 minutes to a new school. If we stay here. But if I find a job we could move…they could ask us to leave earlier. So there are a lot of open questions. Thank you that you are talking about us.
We are from Kryvyi Rih. Everyone has a different situation. The woman who does not have a kid, her parents stayed home. My second friend with a son, she has only her sister left in Ukraine. I left everything behind. My mom, my husband, the whole family, the apartment which we saved up money for 10 years to buy and then could not live in because of the war. But having already tried for two years here, I see what improvements my daughter has done towards integrating, and me too. I understand now there is no road back. We need to do everything we can to try to stay and live here. Of course that will depend on a job. Our hometown is a city near the front lines and you hear the explosions a lot and it is a nervous feeling in the city. There is no school. Online only. So even though I would like to be near my husband and my mom, I must be here and think about my daughter’s future. To live and believe that my husband will somehow be able to come to us, he would really like to join us. I am typing this to you and crying…it is all so difficult.”
As I write this, Putin is hosting his annual teleconference with the nation. Nothing earth-shattering, nothing we do not already know, I fear. He wants all of Ukraine and is prepared to keep at war for as long as it takes.
Before the event, I joked about egg prices. They are up over 40% year on year in Russia and there have been queues and memes galore (eggs in Russian is also slang for balls). And then the Kremlin goes and puts this one out — egg prices. A hot topic. Much easier to talk about than the hundreds of thousands of men already sent to their deaths. I opened a Telegram chat recently about Donetsk, which is now obviously technically part of Russia. The hot topic? Chicken prices. What is to be done. No one can afford chicken anymore. Videos of humanitarian aid being shipped from Russia to Donbas. No one questions the reason for the need for humanitarian aid in the first place. Reconstruction of the theater Russia bombed to the ground in Mariupol. And on it goes. They destroyed and now post photos in chats of the rebuilding. Like it is something to be celebrated. I cannot imagine what is is like for the Ukrainians who decided to stay.
Some very interesting global developments this week. Zelensky and Orban exchanging emotional words, at least if you judge on body language, in Argentina. Biden hosting Zelensky in the White House but “as long as it takes” has morphed into “as long as we can”. A surprise visit to Norway where more support was promised. Europe starting to divide itself into two camps, much of course to Russia’s pleasure. You do not need a fortune teller to guess which side Austria will fall on.
In terms of what to read — a lot, again, in no particular order.
This damning, long report by the Washington Post about the leaks earlier this year and what the U.S. department of defence really thought Ukraine was capable of militarily vs. what was said publicly by both the U.S. government and the many living room war observers, for lack of a better term.
This Politico interview with Fiona Hill. Very interesting observations but I would actually argue Putin needs a forever war. This has little to do with the upcoming “election”. I still believe this war only truly ends with him gone, as I wrote from the very beginning. Which makes it incredibly difficult for Ukraine to do anything other than defend itself at all costs. You cannot negotiate in good faith with someone who has no interest in negotiations. That is beyond the issue of Ukraine potentially walking away from 20% of its territory and counting.
This war is now Putin’s defining Russia vs the cultural west moment. (Do read Alexander Gabuev’s recent piece in the WSJ for more on this.) He has destroyed the western post-WWII premise that international trade guarantees international peace. If Ukraine falls, Russia will not stop there. You already see the cracks within Europe, you already see the U.S. pulling back, slowly but surely re-defining its “national interests”. Why would Putin stop now? For the average Russian in a city outside of the capital, the unemployment rate is low, and as long as you were lucky enough to dodge the draft so far, you probably weren’t flying to Paris for weekends anyhow. No one has heard from Navalny in almost a week. Soon I fear it will be “Navalny, who?”.
In Ukraine, the mood is grim. Kyiv was battered the other night. Dozens of people were taken to hospital. That same morning, I learned Austria has only 200 beds for new arrivals for Ukraine, 180 of which are full right now. There is no contingency plan should hundreds or thousands of people decided to leave, right now. You read about political infighting within Ukraine, the economy is hurting, the more people you talk with, the more the understanding is that things will be difficult for some time. And many of those with loved ones serving in the army — they are angry, and feel helpless, all at the same time. A reality check about conditions in the trenches right now.
Meanwhile, Ukraine has been hit this week with powerful cyber attacks on a major mobile operator and a major bank. Kyiv residents are really upset about a section of the blue metro line being closed for at least six months. A video has gone viral on TikTok of army recruiters handing out draft notices to Ukrainian men in a gym in Uzhgorod. It is now a meme. In all seriousness, there were other videos of men advertising their gym memberships in other cities for sale.
I would classify the mood as difficult going into this holiday season. For many, it does not feel like a lot to celebrate. I experience in my own daily interactions with Ukrainians that cortisol levels are high, many are quick to lash out at one another, survival mode has kicked in, some of that initial solidarity has dissipated, and it is every woman for herself. Which is totally natural given the current state of events. But it is important to remember what high levels of stress and trauma do to people over an extended period of time. You change. You become more numb. You lose some of your empathy. Those of us lucky enough to not have had to flee our homes or move to a new country with no notice should perhaps bear this in mind. People have this image in their heads of the perfect victim; she does not exist.
You try to take one day at a time. I am still sending out Hofer cards every day, thank you. This morning, four. I do love the Christmas stamps. As I have said a million times already, we are not solving anything with these €50 gift cards, but they are an important signal that someone out there cares, and wants to make your life, temporarily at least, a little bit easier.
Great post Tanja, I find the problems that the Ukrainian refugees find in Austria and elsewhere very disturbing and sad. Unfortunately I don’t believe that Austria is in any way unique and I’m hearing disturbing reports from the Republic of Ireland. I’m in Northern Ireland and things seem to be better here judging by the number of Ukrainian flags I see.
Keep up the great work.