At one point last week in Toronto, my sister and I agreed we were presently both experiencing some form of “PTSD without the P”. We were right the thick of it, emotionally and physically exhausted, yet still sane enough to recognise the situation for what it was: harder than it had to be. I am disorganized on a good day, but one lesson I walk away with from all of this is not to burden loved ones with possessions that are only precious to you. To go through and clean out your stuff from time to time. To plan for things, because, retrospectively, dying, it turns out, is ridiculously expensive (I literally had no idea) while the assets of the deceased are immediately frozen. At one point last week, we were hauling SUV-loads of stuff to a charity shop, not because they didn’t have any value, but rather because we had no time.
We had less than five days to go through a lifetime of stuff. It was a ridiculous timeframe. At one point, I was standing in front of twenty still un-opened moving boxes packed by movers (along the lines of dump entire contents of bathroom drawer into a box and seal with tape) in a storage unit and was told the “junk guys” will be arriving in 20 minutes. You have 20 minutes to separate hundred year-old family photos from Christmas lights no one hung up in years. You close your eyes and put things in the trash simply because you don’t live in the country and have no time nor storage. It sucked and there were three of us. I cannot imagine going through it alone. It is a truly awful part of the whole grief process. You don’t even get to grieve — you are given a new 24/7 job in return for your sorrow.
I did manage to donate a fairly new TV and kitchen appliances and accessories to a woman who arrived from Ukraine with her daughter. It was a reality check when she told me she could pick it all up “after work”. Most of the Ukrainians I meet here in Austria do not have an “after work”. Half my flight to Toronto was filled with Ukrainians, but they of course were a different contingent: could afford plane tickets, could speak English, hope to work ASAP. I spent so much of the week thinking about how Canada does it, how Canada manages to make itself better through immigration, making immigration a source of national pride and part of a unified Canadian identity rather than something to be ashamed of or angry about. You would be hard pressed to find a more tolerant place on the planet than Toronto. Every imaginable nationality and they are all getting along. If you break that cultural code, you (not the immigrant) are the problem.
I witnessed a phenomenal scene at the airport. Two flights, one to Vienna, one to Frankfurt, so I cannot say if the couple, mid 60s, were German or Austrian. They had gone up to the gate and asked something of the staff. They must not have liked the answer they received from a staff member, himself a person of color. I look up to hear shouting as the gate staff member (a person of color) was saying you have to speak with me respectfully, I am entitled to that, you cannot speak like that here, and yes, I know what the word “Ausländer” which you just mumbled means. I watched, stunned, as the German-speaking couple walked away in shock, their racism having been addressed head-on. They learned firsthand what some countries, like Canada, stand for. What a contrast to Europe where so much everyday xenophobia is tolerated with a simple shrug of the shoulders.
So I am back. And I tried to get back to work immediately. 10 cards out today, including a visit to the arrival center. Housing assignments do appear to be happening, but still slowly, and unfortunately to refugee “hotels” such as one on Salzburg. This is bad because it is not a long-term solution. Residents are “fed” really minimal, not great quality food, and receive €40 per month pocket money. It still isn’t clear how much one can earn, for example in Salzburg, and not lose one’s housing, as I had to explain to a Ukrainian woman who asked me for advice this evening.
An existence, but not a life. I think that is the big difference between here and Canada. In Canada, as we drove through distant suburbs in search of a police station, I saw strip mall upon strip mall with take-away restaurants and barber shops of every possible national cuisine. Yes, you have to work really hard when you arrive, but you have every opportunity. Austria doesn’t provide equal opportunity. In fact, it doesn’t really want refugees to work. If it did, it would not structure incentives in such a way to make full-time work difficult for fear of becoming homeless.
The incentives here draw those who cannot work (moms with small children, elderly), housing in rural areas means work is often not possible by default as there simply is no work…
…and Austria is still a destination for those seeking expert medical care (thankfully as this is overseen by a federal government BBU team). This mom told me she is being looked out for by a social worker, and medical appointments are happening, but they are having trouble finding them housing near the AKH hospital (her son is blind to the extent he can only see some dark outlines in one eye), and the food in the arrival center is practically inedible. I will meet her tomorrow and give them a Hofer card. My last, for the moment.
Gosh, I almost forgot! This report came out which we filmed a few weeks back when the lovely Teri Schultz came to Vienna to spend a day in my shoes. We filmed hours of material and of course only five minutes doesn't give the full picture, but I am so grateful for the attention it draws to what we are trying to do with Cards for Ukraine. You can watch the video here.
I will meet the mom tomorrow with the son who hopes to have his sight restored, but the rest of my pile will have to wait for more donations. Totally understandable that fundraising is so challenging right now: inflation is biting everyone in Europe, the plight of Ukrainian refugees in Europe is not in the headlines anymore, and ordinary Europeans are often now struggling to pay their own bills — something I realized North America isn’t fully aware of.
Teri asked me (this didn’t make it into the final cut) how much longer I will keep going, and I replied that Mario and I will keep going for as long as we have donations, but neither of us can predict when that will be. I do know in my heart of hearts that every time I have thought that’s it, money’s run out, we may have to stop, something happens — a generous donation, and I am able to keep going, taking things one day at a time. The women from Kirovhrad region I met today practically hugged me in thanks, and I was reminded of what necessary work we are doing. We are providing a small but necessary and useful monetary gesture to those who are caught in limbo and let down by the official response.
What to read/watch, in no particular order. First, my in-air viewings. Very much recommend both She Said (film) and season 1 and 2 of White Lotus. Fun fact I went to college with (but did not know personally) the taller of the She Said journalists. Another fun fact: I once stayed for a night (that was all I could afford) at the Sicily location back when it was simply a convent turned into an upscale hotel and I was driving myself solo around Sicily (I believe it is now a ridiculously overpriced Four Seasons).
You for sure have read the news about the arrest of Evan Gershkovich, a stellar reporter working in Moscow. I remember reading his work at The Moscow Times which often out-scooped much bigger papers. The unspoken elephant in the room is that of course Putin’s FSB guys chose a Jewish American with Russian roots (i.e. from Soviet emigre family) to slap the spy label onto, but that does not mean other foreign journalists are safe. Far from it. Someone wrote today and I would wholeheartedly agree — no one is off limits. Not even foreign journalists. They can fabricate any charge against anyone. Just because. There are no red lines. They’ve all been crossed. Evan’s recent reporting from Russia is now all free to read.
Do watch this heartbreaking video from Avdiivka:
And this, on the stuffed animals of war:
I’ll stop there. Will try and get back into the swing of things here (as always contingent on donations) and keep this train chugging along for as long as possible. I am a bit sad my mom didn’t get to see the DW video. I had told her about it…