Scrolling through my old photos I found this. Airport borsch. February 10, 2022. Just a little over one year ago, you could still board a commercial flight from Kyiv to Vienna. There was no panic. There was no sense of impending doom. The flight was not full but it was not empty. The hotel was empty, yes. The foreigners had already started pulling out. Moving things to Lviv. But in Kyiv, you didn’t get a sense of fear. It wasn't palpable, at least not to me.
I scroll online yesterday and today and see post after post reflecting back on the last year. I am not in any mental state to do that right now. Each day feels longer, harder. Honestly, each day I wake up and hope I have fewer things on my plate. The juggling of being online all the time, with the day-to-day of responding to card requests, managing a waiting list, buying cards, making appointments to hand deliver them (1pm today Arrival Center in Vienna. Cards to four women. Make that three women. One just wrote me she got moved yesterday to Altmünster. I asked for an address, but I fear it is yet another Arrival Center, only regional), running to Hofer and the post office — that is all the easy part.
The hard part is everything else. The personal crisis, the drama with the authorities, all the “situations” which are brought to my attention because in many cases Ukrainians don’t know what to do, whom to ask, and for whatever reason, I became a person of trust. A person of trust, yes, but I don’t have most of the answers.
The well-meaning Austrians who want to help each in his or her own way but also ask for time I don’t have. Other volunteers who want my advice. Could I spread the word about X.
Recently, I have been very worried about the dorm in the 11th district, which will now be closed on April 15. The residents do not know what will happen to them. They ask staff on site, who shrug their shoulders, and say it’s not up to us, it’s up to the city. Tonight, the city administrators will be on local TV, I am sure telling us all what a great job it has been doing taking care of so many thousand Ukrainians in Vienna. I will be thinking about those hundreds of Ukrainians still being “fed” in the city who only receive €40 per month pocket money and do not know where they will live come April 15. Many of those in such accommodation are elderly, handicapped, ill — anyone capable of finding other accommodation obviously already did so. Every time a politician or bureaucrat tells us on an anniversary what a good job they are doing, I will naturally think about all the Ukrainians who write me and say their payments are delayed and why don’t they pay on time and why is the paperwork so complicated and why is the teacher not friendly and why did the lady in the doctor’s office yell at them…
And it isn’t just Vienna. I do still worry about the most vulnerable populations everywhere. I know that in 99% of cases the Ukrainians seeking temporary protection here in Austria are better off than they were in Ukraine where there are so few resources for ordinary people experiencing poverty during war to turn. I understand that. But I still get messages like this I received yesterday. And it still somehow breaks my heart that simple, ordinary things like getting on a bus from A to B are not accessible because the Austrian Grundversorgung system keeps Ukrainians without other sources of income in a form of forced poverty. (I sent the author of the message below a card yesterday). There does not appear to be any palpable momentum amongst politics to change this, to put Ukrainians in a different socio-economic category. I imagine it is because of what no one wants to say out loud: they fear millions more coming.
There are wonderful people here trying to help. I was invited to such a gathering of interested and passionate members of civil society last night. But I was so tired. I have been dealing with a very emotional crisis of one family this week, which I am not writing about for many reasons. I am not alone, so I have been having many many conversations this week with a lot of other wonderful people also trying to help. But it is intense and tiring and draining. I also worry about the dorm. They ask me what will happen, and I do not know. The same could be said about the war. I do not know. I do not dare think more than a few days into the future. I prefer to focus on putting out the fires in front of me to the best of my ability. And if I cannot put them out, I want others to know, so I didn’t sit in silence and simply watch things burn.
Yesterday I saw a confrontation in a Hofer store. I didn’t react fast enough. I just stood in shock and watched. I should have intervened. But I didn’t. I was frozen. An older Russian-speaking woman (I assume Ukrainian) was looking through the trash cans in the store. She had clearly lost something. An employee came up to her and started yelling at her, like, you need to leave, you can’t be rummaging through the bins. The customer replied in Russian, mumbling about her card, and the employee just yelled in German “I speak English or German! I don’t speak that language! If you have a problem go to the police! Get out” and pointed to the door. I stood there in line waiting to buy cards in total shock. The Ukrainian woman ran out of the store. And when I had bought my cards, she was nowhere to be found.
The whole unpleasant scene was a bit like a metaphor for Austria’s welcome. There are a minority of active people who really care and are still working very intensely to help Ukrainians both here in Austria and back in Ukraine. I met a couple last night who have singlehandedly raised €70,000 to send aid directly to Zelensky’s home city including nine generators. But I do think it is fair to say the majority are either indifferent or annoyed. Inflation hit over 11% in January, and shows no signs of stopping. The far right have pushed the political dialogue even further to the right (think Austria for Austrians and all that entails), they are openly pro-Putin, and instead of fight back, many political parties here (notable exception Neos and those calling for an end to Austrian neutrality) have just shut up and put their heads down.
I definitely have the sense on the aid front that European countries are quietly making things less comfortable here as if to send a message back to Ukraine: we’re full. Transportation gone. Housing — very hard to access, long wait, not clear at all what you might be assigned. Cannot work if you take social housing. Or rather you can work, a little bit, but no one can tell you how much you can earn legally. That is being haggled over for months by the politicians. And so on and so forth. And then imagine trying to navigate all the bureaucracy in German: medicine, school, paperwork, more paperwork. If you are an ordinary person in Ukraine with no foreign language skills, I completely understand why you stay home, even when home is cold, often unsafe, and you don’t know what tomorrow brings.
I would like to share with you all what I have been reading lately.
Nina Brnada of Falter went to Ukraine recently. You can listen to her podcast interview here (really recommend!) or here. Her article Butscha, Leninstraße 10 (paywall).
FT How Putin Blundered into Ukraine then doubled down. Really insightful. History obsessed Putin dragged all of Russia in and now they all see its nuts but no one stops it. Blaming one man is too simplistic. It would not be fair to let Russia’s elite get away with claiming it was one man possessed and nothing could be done. For the future, I mean, when they one day try to distance themselves from this era. One man does not hypnotise a nation.
The FT also printed an excerpt from correspondent, and longtime reporter from Ukraine, Christopher Miller’s upcoming book. He was a Peace Corp volunteer years ago in Bakhmut. His perspective is unique. It is so beautifully written. Do take the time to read this one.
How the War in Ukraine Ends, David Remnick in conversation with historian Stephen Kotkin.
The Impact of Russian Missile Strikes on Ukraine’s Power Grid by Joshua Yaffa with incredible photography by Sasha Maslov.
For those interested in helping more in Ukraine, a great updated list of grassroots organisations here:
Finally, a huge thanks to all of you who donated this week. It felt great to be able to send off envelopes to those in need and meet more families at the arrival center. Twenty Klimabonus vouchers are on their way across Austria. They luckily come in €50 instalments which is perfect for our program. They are not accepted at Hofer, but are accepted at all other supermarket chains, or they can be exchanged at a local post office bank for €50 cash. Brilliant. So grateful. Thank you!
One thing that always makes me smile — that tiramisu — it remains a bestseller. Fascinating. All year round the produce changes. We are now very much in the midst of winter citrus season. The tiramisu, a steady favorite.
Thank you all for making all of this still possible so many months later.